
Your forties is the perfect decade to have your first child – I’m living my best life
Seven years ago, I was at my local antenatal class preparing for the birth of my firstborn. In my forties and armed with a coloured birthing ball, I looked around and gasped. All the other soon-to-be-mums were at least a decade younger than me. Some were nearly half my age. It briefly panicked me. Would I make any friends? Why did I leave it so late to have kids? Was I doing something wrong? In hindsight, though, I had no reason to worry: your forties is absolutely the best decade in which to have your first child. According to data published last week in The Daily Telegraph, the number of women becoming first-time mothers in their forties has increased in recent years: today, one in 25 UK births is to a woman aged 40-plus. That’s a lot of women just like me, despite the fact that getting pregnant over 35 gets you labelled as someone of “advanced maternal age”. That might sound harsh until you remember that older pregnancies used to be termed “geriatric” – thank God that’s been phased out. I’ve never regretted waiting until my forties, even if I had been trying for children for years by that point. My story is undeniably unique: my partner Alex took his own life while we were doing IVF, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to try to get pregnant. The maternal call was strong, so I decided to carry on with the process using Alex’s frozen sperm. Today I have two beautiful daughters with him: Lola, seven, and Liberty, five. It is an understatement to say I was ready for a baby at 40. I was grounded. Confident. Unlike when I was in my twenties or thirties, I knew exactly who I was and what made me tick. I had life experience. I no longer got FOMO. I didn’t even drink, having been through hell and back to become sober 20 years earlier. My career was fully off the ground, and therapy had helped me identify the family dysfunction I knew to ditch for the sake of my kids. I also wasn’t worried about my body bouncing back after the birth. I just desperately wanted to be a mum. Of course, there are all sorts of advantages to having children in your twenties and thirties. A huge bonus is that you’re simply more fertile. According to research, 31 is the magic age to have a baby – you’re still as fertile as in your twenties, but you also have more money. I’m sure motherhood in your fifties is great, too – although using your own eggs is highly unlikely, unless you froze them at some point before you turned 35. It means that some older mums often turn to donor eggs. Thinking back on my twenties and thirties, I don’t know how I would have managed motherhood. I don’t think I was ready to put my own needs on hold. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to juggle work and my children, especially with the spiralling costs of childcare. I do accept that there are greater risks inherent in waiting to have kids. Both the quantity and quality of eggs dwindle. The rates of failed fertilisation, miscarriage and birth defects rise with age. There’s also the social pressure that comes with not having children early – you’re forced into endless conversations about the “ticking timebomb” of your fertility, and expected to fend off probing inquiries about your biological clock. The British Fertility Society advises women to start trying for a baby by the age of 32 at the latest, for a 90 per cent guarantee of having a child without resorting to IVF. But this advice simply wouldn’t have worked for me – I was determined to find the right person to have children with, and that didn’t happen until I was 35. When mine and Alex’s attempts to naturally conceive failed, and then Alex died, only at that point did I know I had the maturity to go it alone. I do have some regrets – I wish I’d frozen my eggs at the peak of my fertility in my mid-twenties, for instance (this process costs between £4,000 and £7,000 in the UK). But otherwise, having children in my forties was the right thing to do. Yes, I had my wobbles. I remember sobbing on the bathroom floor after yet another failed pregnancy test. I would berate myself for leaving it so late. I had to force myself to remember that many women experience fertility struggles in their twenties and thirties, too. All of those anxious feelings, though, flew out the window once I had my first child. When I left the hospital to begin parenthood alone, a new bag of nappies in hand, I didn’t have a meltdown. I was just so grateful that I’d had a baby, especially when the odds seemed so stacked against me. Sleepless nights trying to coax my child back to sleep were what I had most desired. It was all so good, in fact, that I went on to have a second child in my forties. I had a spare embryo in a freezer in St Petersburg. Now I call her Liberty. Every day since becoming a mum, I have embraced the mess and chaos, and appreciate every minute. I’m sure my younger self would cringe at the thought of me spending my evenings helping my children with their homework. But I’m proud to say that I’m living my best life. Read More Vanessa Hudgens addresses pregnancy speculation amid Cole Tucker engagement Rachel Bilson reveals she’s suffered multiple miscarriages Pregnant woman has maternity photo shoot in hospital before giving birth Hailey Bieber responds to ‘disheartening’ pregnancy rumours Like Rebecca Adlington, I also lost my baby at 20 weeks Britney Spears reveals she had an abortion while dating Justin Timberlake
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From strokes to heart attacks: Doctor highlights most commonly misdiagnosed health conditions in women
It’s no secret that women are more likely than men to be misdiagnosed by a medical professional. In fact, as many as 57 per cent of women have reported being wrongly diagnosed by a doctor. In 2016, a study found that women have a 50 per cent higher chance than men of receiving a misdiagnosis after a heart attack, while researchers found in 2014 that 33 per cent of women are more likely than men to be misdiagnosed after a stroke. When it comes to women’s health, an explicit gender bias in medicine can lead to serious and sometimes life-threatening results. That’s why Dr Erin Nance, an orthopaedic hand and wrist surgeon located in New York City, has dedicated the month of October to sharing the most commonly misdiagnosed health conditions that affect women. Her series has since gone viral on TikTok, as she discussed how symptoms of rare autoimmune disorders or infertility can present differently in women, leading to a misdiagnosis. For the first video of the series, Dr Nance revealed how postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome - also known as POTS - affects more than one million people, but is present in mostly women aged 20 to 50. However, Dr Nance explained that POTS is so difficult to diagnose because “we can’t see it”. “This is the group of women that get written off by doctors because they look healthy. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with them,” she said. According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, POTS is a condition in which a reduced volume of blood returns to the heart after someone stands up from a lying down position. As a result, patients with POTS may experience an increased heart rate, dizziness, or fatigue when they stand up after lying down. @littlemissdiagnosed Day 1: It’s me, POTS, I’m the the problem it’s me #littlemissdiagnosed #31for31lmd #pots ♬ original sound - Dr. Erin Nance ?? Dr Nance explained that some other symptoms of POTS include “chronic fatigue, brain fog, total body chronic pain, GI [gastrointestinal] stomach issues, anxiety, headaches, and it can affect any part of your body”. Another difficulty about POTS is that there’s “no specific treatment” to help the condition, Dr Nance said. “We can’t do a biopsy, we can’t do any imaging, there’s no blood test for it,” she added. Instead, doctors may recommend drinking more fluid, exercising regularly, or wearing compression stockings to keep blood flow in the centre of the body. For the 14th day of her video series, Dr Nance received 1.4m views when she spoke about the commonly misdiagnosed symptoms of stroke in women. “Stroke is the third leading cause of death in women,” she began the clip. “Yet, women are over 33 per cent more likely to be misdiagnosed when having an acute stroke.” Dr Nance admitted that most women who experience a stroke are often told by doctors that they simply have anxiety or a migraine. When it comes to the “unique” symptoms of stroke that are present in women, some may experience loss of consciousness or fainting; general weakness; shortness of breath; confusion, unresponsiveness, or disorientation; sudden behavioural change; agitation; hallucination; nausea or vomiting; seizures or even just hiccups. @littlemissdiagnosed Day 14: Stroke is no joke #littlemissdiagnosed #31for31lmd #stroke ♬ original sound - Dr. Erin Nance ?? “These unique symptoms are often the ones that are overlooked,” Dr Nance said, before detailing the individual risk factors that can put women at a greater chance of having a stroke. The first on the list of risk factors was taking birth control pills, followed by pregnancy, hormone replacement therapy, and history of suffering from migraines. “The reason why this is so important for everyone - every normal, everyday person - to know this is because the best outcomes are when women are evaluated and treated within three hours of having this symptom,” Dr Nance added. On day 16, the orthopedic surgeon explained how symptoms of a heart attack can also be wrongfully overlooked by doctors. “More women than men die of heart disease every year, yet women have a 59 per cent increased risk of being misdiagnosed with acid reflux, stress, or anxiety,” Dr Nance said. Besides chest pain, a woman may exhibit signs of a heart attack when she experiences unusual fatigue for several days; sleep disturbances; shortness of breath; lightheadedness; nausea or cold sweats; indigestion or gas-like pain; and pain in the arm, neck, jaw, or back. @littlemissdiagnosed Day 16: It’s not always Big on the Peloton #littlemissdiagnosed #31for31lmd #heartattack #womensheart ♬ original sound - Dr. Erin Nance ?? When it comes to multiple sclerosis (MS), Dr Nance revealed on day 19 of her video series that women are 83 per cent more likely to be misdiagnosed for MS by a doctor. MS is a disease that affects the “myelin” - the protective sheath covering the brain, nerves, and the spinal cord. According to Dr Nance, some of the often-missed signs of MS include extreme fatigue, confusion, forgetfulness, and mood swings. @littlemissdiagnosed Day 19: You’re gonna be okay #littlemissdiagnosed #31for31lmd #ms #multiplesclerosis ♬ original sound - Dr. Erin Nance ?? As for lupus - an autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks its own tissues, causing inflammation in the body - Dr Nance shared in the 20th video of her series that women between the ages of 15 and 45 are most likely to develop the disorder. “The average time from when you first develop your symptoms to diagnosis is six years,” Dr Nance revealed. @littlemissdiagnosed Day 20: Sneaky little ? #littlemissdiagnosed #31for31lmd #lupus ♬ original sound - Dr. Erin Nance ?? She claimed that 46 per cent of patients report being misdiagnosed with something other than lupus, while “54 per cent of them were told that either nothing was wrong with them or that their symptoms were psychological.” “The main problem with lupus is that the longer you go undiagnosed and untreated, then the greater risk for end organ damages,” she added. The Independent has contacted Dr Nance for comment. 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