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Most women feel ‘invisible’ and ‘unappreciated’ when they become mothers, new research has revealed. Instead of ‘having it all’, 72% of mums feel invisible and 93% feel unappreciated, unacknowledged or unseen once they’ve had children. Another 93% said that since having a child, their identity has been reduced to only being a mother. And the weight of expectation is huge, too, with 97% of mums questioned in the survey by the online motherhood community Peanut saying pressure is put on them to ‘do it all and be it all’. Plus, 94% believe they’re expected to put themselves last and self-sacrifice for their families, partners, jobs, and other responsibilities, so they can achieve what they feel is required of them. Nearly half of mums (46%) said they don’t feel supported by the healthcare system after giving birth, and 70% expected more support from society in general. As a result of this lack of support and invisibility, most women surveyed (95%) agreed there’s an impact on their mental health and wellbeing, with 86% having experienced anxiety, 82% feeling stressed, burned out or exhausted, and 80% feeling overwhelmed, or lonely and isolated. Other strong feelings identified by mums included irritability (78%), loss of identity (65%), feeling judged (66%), feeling unsupported (64%), guilt (63%), depression (55%), resentment (54%), worthlessness (50%), and neglect (24%). Women attributed the things making them feel invisible to unfair division of labour in the home, trying to juggle a career and childcare, lack of empathy and understanding from both family and everyone else, gaps in healthcare and mental health support, identity and independence struggles, hiding the pain of pregnancy loss, and general pressure from healthcare, education institutions and the media. Commenting on the findings, psychologist Dr Rachel Goldman said: “The invisibility of motherhood is a stark reality many face. The journey begins with frequent visits to healthcare providers, but once the child arrives, there’s a sudden gap, creating a sense of abandonment. Women grapple with overwhelming feelings of exhaustion and stress, only to confront rushed appointments where healthcare professionals don’t have time to adequately dive into concerns.” As a result of the research, Peanut has launched an Invisible Mothers campaign, featuring a State of Invisibility report, to draw attention to mums’ struggles and highlight ways to make them more visible and better supported. The report found mums think more empathy and gender equality will help them feel more visible, with 82% calling for flexible, family-friendly workplaces, 77% wanting equal and extended leave for both parents, and 71% saying an equal share of parenting tasks would help. Additional measures that will help mums, says Peanut, include more public toilets having changing facilities, additional resources for mental health support, support groups for both parents, and educational initiatives about gender stereotypes. The report also identified the most common unwanted questions that contribute to mothers’ feelings of invisibility, with alternative suggestions that women say they would prefer to hear. So instead of asking ‘How’s the baby?’, Peanut suggests mums are asked ‘How are you really – mentally, emotionally and physically?’, and rather than ‘Was the pregnancy planned?’, try ‘Are you excited?’, and change ‘How do you do it all?’ to ‘How’s the mental load?’. Goldman added: “It doesn’t take grand gestures to offer support. A genuine ‘how are you’ or ‘thinking of you’ can significantly shift perceptions, signalling to someone that they matter. Small changes or actions, like compassionate conversations, can have profound impacts. “By acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can begin to truly support motherhood.” Read More The best ways to work-out in 22 minutes – as study finds this is magic number for offsetting ‘negative impact of sitting’ What crops will we be growing in the future, as climate change alters the landscape? As Rebecca Adlington shares heart-breaking miscarriage news: How to support others experiencing baby loss What you need to know about new research into treating cervical cancer How to do Halloween make up and still take care of your skin Which houseplants best suit your star sign?

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The horrifying case of four University of Idaho students butchered in an off-campus home has taken another dramatic twist after it emerged that the parents of their accused killer are testifying in a separate case thousands of miles away in Pennsylvania. In a bombshell development this week, it emerged that Bryan Kohberger’s parents have been subpoenaed to appear before a grand jury investigating the disappearance and death of mother-of-three Dana Smithers. Smithers, 45, was last seen alive in May 2022. Her remains were finally discovered last month, with her cause of death still a mystery. It remains unclear what connection – if any – her disappearance and death may have to Mr Kohberger, who was living close to Smithers at the time she vanished. But multiple reports have revealed that Mr Kohberger’s parents Michael and Maryann Kohberger have been ordered to testify in the case. A source told CNN that the accused killer’s mother has already given evidence to the grand jury while his father is expected to testify on Thursday. Any information in the case can then be turned over to prosecutors in Idaho who have charged Mr Kohberger with the quadruple murders of Kaylee Goncalves, 21, Madison Mogen, 21, Xana Kernodle, 20, and Ethan Chapin, 20. While many questions remain unanswered, here’s what we know about Dana Smithers and what happened to the mother-of-three. Mysterious disappearance In May 2022, Smithers vanished without a trace from Monroe County – the same county in Pennsylvania where Mr Kohberger was living at the time before moving cross-country to Washington state in the summer to pursue a graduate degree program in criminal justice. A ring video camera captured Smithers leaving a neighbour’s house at around 11.05pm on 28 May, holding her cellphone in her hand. She was never seen alive again. What was especially odd was that Smithers’ cellphone, wallet and daily medication were all found at her home. Earlier that day, Smithers and her youngest daughter, 7, had gone to a local festival at the Happy Hour Bar and Grille in Stroudsburg with her daughter’s father. Smithers’ sister Stacey told NBC’s Dateline in December that the couple were no longer together but were still on good terms. At the festival, Smithers appeared to be having a good time, dancing and saying hello to people. The three later returned to the home that Smithers, her daugher and Smithers’ mother shared. Later that night, best friend Tara Cioni said that Smithers called into her home to hang out. The two women lived just a couple of doors down from each other and would often just stop by to see each other on an evening. “We’re best friends. She’s been my neighbor for 16 years. We’ve raised our children together,” Ms Cioni told Dateline. “It was an open door policy, like, with her. So she came in and she was here for a little bit.” Ms Cioni said that, in hindsight, she wonders if something was troubling her friend that night. Smithers – who had a history of substance abuse – was smoking, something she only did if she was “nervous” or on edge. Ms Cioni said that Smithers later asked her if she wanted to come back to her house to hang out but she was tired so said she was going to bed. That was the last time anyone saw her. “If I would have known that was the last time I would have seen her, I would have definitely asked more questions but I was sort of like, ‘I’m going to bed,’” she said. Looking back, she said that she doesn’t think Smithers was using drugs again. “I really don’t think it was that,” she said. Her sister added that Smithers had recently had her medication adjusted and appeared to be “getting much better” at the time. It was the following morning when Smithers’ mother realised her daughter had not come home that night. Initially, the family wasn’t too concerned as Stacey said the 45-year-old had stayed out all night in the past. But, when she didn’t show up for Memorial Day celebrations with the family on 30 May, they knew something must be wrong. Smithers and her children, aged 25, 23 and 7, had a family tradition to go to Knoebels Park in Pennsylvania ever Memorial Day. “She would not have missed Memorial Day,” said Stacey, adding that she would also never have left her youngest child for that long. “She didn’t do anything that didn’t involve her kids,” she said. “That was her thing. I mean she was always there with the kids.” Smithers was finally reported missing days later after Stacey said law enforcement initially didn’t take her disappearance seriously. In June, the Pennsylvania State Police and local police carried out searches with cadaver dogs at Glen Park in Stroudsburg – a heavily wooded area close to her home. The search did not turn up anything and the case went cold for months. A missing persons report described Smithers as a 45-year-old white female, 5 foot 5 inches, approximately 165 pounds, with brown eyes, brown hair and last seen wearing black jeans with a burgundy shirt. For almost a year, the mother-of-three’s family desperately searched for answers and Smither’s case featured in an episode of NBC’s Dateline in December 2022 – one month after the four students were murdered in Idaho. Stacey feared the worst, saying: “I think something happened. I don’t think she’s here anymore.” Remains found Almost one year later – on 27 April – Smithers’ remains were found in a wooded area in Stroudsburg. Stroud Area Regional Police said that a Borough employee had discovered decomposing human remains in a wooded area close to Park Avenue in the Borough of Stroudsburg. Due to extensive decomposition, the gender and identity of the individual was unclear at the time. Using dental records, the remains were later identified as belonging to Smithers. Her cause and manner of death is not yet known. What is Bryan Kohberger’s connection to the case? There are many unanswered questions around what happened to Smithers – and what it may have to do with Mr Kohberger. It is currently unclear why Mr Kohberger’s parents Michael and Maryann Kohberger have been called to testify in the case. A lawyer for Mr Kohberger’s parents tried to have the subpoenas cancelled but was unsuccessful, the source told CNN. Pennsylvania judges will be permitted to share transcripts of the grand jury witness testimony with law enforcement agencies across the country in Idaho. At the time of Smithers’ disappearance in May 2022, Mr Kohberger was also living in Monroe County with his family. That summer, he then moved cross-country to Pullman for a graduate program in criminal justice at Washington State University (WSU). A few months later on 13 November, he allegedly broke into an off-campus student home just over the border in Moscow, Idaho, and murdered the four college students. He was back at his parents’ home in the Pocono Mountains for the holidays when police swooped and arrested him for the quadruple murders on 30 December. In that case, it remains unclear what motive and what connection Mr Kohberger may have had to the victims. And now, in Smithers’ case, a possible link also remains unclear. Mr Kohberger is said to have a solid alibi for Smithers’ disappearance and is likely not connected to her death, a source told Eyewitness News. But the grand jury investigation is still ongoing and no findings have been revealed. Back in January, Stacey posted an update on the Facebook page “Finding Dana” saying that many people had contacted her about a possible link between her sister’s disappearance and the Idaho murders. “Thank you to everyone who has been reaching out recently regarding the possibility of the suspect in the horrific murders in Idaho having been in our area around the time of my sister, Dana’s disappearance,” she wrote. “I have forwarded all of your suggestions on to local law enforcement. Please pray for everyone involved.” However, it comes following a report that one of the accused killer’s older sisters grew increasingly suspicious that her brother could have been involved in the Idaho murders prior to his arrest. Her suspicions were so great that – at one point – several family members searched Mr Kohberger’s white Hyundai Elantra for possible evidence of the crime when the family gathered to spend the holidays together, sources told NBC’s Dateline. They found nothing but investigators had already allegedly seen Mr Kohberger scrubbing his car with bleach. Read More Bryan Kohberger – live: Idaho murders suspect’s parents secretly testify over woman found dead in Pennsylvania Idaho murders suspect’s parents ordered to testify in case of missing woman found dead last month Families of slain University of Idaho students prepare to sue college over murders