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Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next

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Donald Trump sued E Jean Carroll for defamation on Tuesday after a jury held him liable for sexually abusing her. The former president filed a counterclaim in Manhattan federal court, accusing the author of tarnishing his reputation publicly. He has sought retraction as well as unspecified compensatory and punitive damages. According to the court filing, Mr Trump “has been the subject of significant harm to his reputation, which, in turn, has yielded an inordinate amount of damages sustained as a result”. Last month, a jury of six men and three women found that the former president was liable for sexual abuse, and not liable for rape, before awarding Ms Carroll $5m in damages. He also launched a fresh defamatory attack on Ms Carroll last month just hours after her lawyers formally asked to amend her remaining defamation lawsuit against the ex-president to include his “smears” at a CNN town hall. “Trump’s defamatory statements post-verdict show the depth of his malice toward Carroll since it is hard to imagine defamatory conduct that could possibly be more motivated by hatred, ill will, or spite,” the proposed amended complaint said. “This conduct supports a very substantial punitive damages award in Carroll’s favour both to punish Trump, to deter him from engaging in further defamation, and to deter others from doing the same,” the complaint said. After his statements about her on CNN, Ms Carroll’s lawyers had asked a Manhattan federal court judge for permission to amend the first defamation lawsuit that she filed against Ms Trump in 2019. He later wrote on Truth Social: “I don’t know E Jean Carroll, I never met her or touched her (except on a celebrity line with her African American husband who she disgustingly called the ‘Ape,’),” he wrote. Mr Trump has previously also accused Ms Carroll of calling her husband “ape”, without any evidence. “I wouldn’t want to know or touch her, I never abused her or raped her or took her to a dressing room 25 years ago in a crowded department store where the doors are LOCKED, she has no idea when, or did anything else to her, except deny her Fake, Made Up Story, that she wrote in a book. IT NEVER HAPPENED, IS A TOTAL SCAM, UNFAIR TRIAL!” he added. Meanwhile, Mr Trump’s lawyers said in the court filing on Tuesday: “The interview was on television, social media and multiple internet websites, with the intention of broadcasting and circulating these defamatory statements among a significant portion of the public.” The former president’s court filing on Tuesday is a counterclaim in a separate 2019 defamation lawsuit Ms Carroll filed against him that is set to go to trial in January, it was reported. While Ms Carroll won the first trial, the former president has interpreted the verdict as a victory, of sorts, because of the finding on rape. Additional reporting from agencies Read More Writer's lawyers say Trump is wrong about $5 million sex abuse-defamation jury award Trump's penchant for talking could pose problems as Mar-a-Lago criminal case moves ahead Trump is funneling 10% of 2024 campaign donations to cover his legal bills Rape accuser files new lawsuit as Trump seethes over 2024 flop – live Where do Donald Trump’s family stand on him running in 2024? Trump revealed to have tweeted classified image from spy satellite

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